August 2019 (revised)
Dear
Grandson,
This is a
grandmotherly advice letter to all four of my grandsons, realizing that it will
be one of very few letters you’ll ever receive because I know that people in
the generations after me will rarely communicate by actually writing a letter. You don’t live as close as I’d like and you
have so many activities, so talking to you face to face is not always
easy. I wanted to write this because I
know that you are growing up in the hardest and most confusing of times the
world has ever seen, and the temptations to take the wrong path are
overwhelming. I thought a little advice
from a grandmother who loves you might be of value to you. I hope you will read my letter thoughtfully
and take it to heart.
When I grew
up there were only land-line phones. We
didn’t call them land-line because it was the only type of phone
available. It was a phone with a cord
that you had to dial and usually you had to share your line with three other
houses. It was called a party line. When you heard the phone ring you listened
for the length and number of rings to see if the call was for you. I think our ring was 3 longs and a
short. You could listen to other
conversations if you wanted (and my mother occasionally did) and, if you had an
emergency while some other family was using the line, you kindly asked them to
hang up. Privacy was hard to come
by. Even in college there was no such
thing as a private line or a phone in your room. Long distance calls were expensive in those
times so letter writing was common.
Smart phones
are a huge technological advancement and a real asset in terms of personal
safety, yet I will never appreciate them the way you and your parents do. With all the wonderful things they can do,
their inappropriate use sometimes causes car accidents, hurts the feelings of
some who are being talked or texted about, and ruins the atmosphere in social
situations (like dinner at home or in a restaurant) I hope you will always be responsible and
considerate with the use of your phone.
I guess I could say, “Technology should not get in the way of good
manners”.
No matter how
good a job your parents did raising you, you will find yourself in situations
where the temptation to do the wrong thing will be very great. The things you may be tempted to do may not
be unlawful but they can cause great harm to you and others (in all likelihood
the people you care about the most). In
particular I am thinking of the abuse of drugs and alcohol and
pornography. I’m sure that if you go to
college you will be exposed to them all. And I would not be surprised if it has
happened already. In the past two years
I have known three families that lost a son to opioid abuse, and the grief that
they suffered is heartbreaking. The
loved ones of these young men will never be the same and they will always
wonder what they could have done to prevent such a tragedy. I hope it will never happen, but at some
point I imagine that you too will be offered harmful drugs. I pray that you will have what it takes to say
NO. I have heard of parties where all
kinds of pills are dumped into a bowl and those present just swallow a handful
of whatever and hope that nothing seriously bad happens. The only words that come to mind concerning
such activity are dangerous and stupid.
I’m counting on you to have no part in this sort of thing. Friends who dare you to do stupid things can
never be true friends.
Alcohol can
also be devastating. Too much alcohol
can harm your brain and damage your liver and even cause death. My mother had two older sisters and both of
them had issues with alcohol. One of
them died in her early 70s and, though I don’t know for sure, I believe the
cause of death was cirrhosis of the liver which happens with alcohol
abuse. I’ve seen both of my aunts drunk
and it made me very sad. Alcohol abuse
is never funny and often very dangerous.
As a freshman in college I too was foolish when it came to alcohol. I shudder to think what could have happened. Be smart when it comes to alcohol, and under
no circumstances should you drive if you have been drinking.
As to
pornography I don’t want to embarrass you but it is a huge problem in our
society and not one that parents are comfortable discussing. It is very prevalent, and very hard to resist
for some people, especially men and boys. It has even been called “Every Man’s Battle.” People will tell you that it doesn’t harm
anyone but it most definitely does. Pornography
always has victims. It is addictive and
it can ruin relationships, especially a marriage. It would be heartbreaking to be married to
someone with this addition because it would feel like infidelity.
I think one
of the secrets to my marriage to your grandfather is that we think alike
spiritually. We both believe in God and
in His Son, Jesus, as our Lord and Savior.
We believe the Bible and read it regularly, more now than when we were
younger. We hold its teachings as a standard for the way life should be
lived. Both of us have been in Bible
studies for years and know that there is always something new to learn. At your age I didn’t know that God had a
purpose and plan for my life. I guess I thought
that life just happened and you made the best of it. If you were lucky you were born into a good
family, got a good education, found a good career, got married, and had a
family. Those are good things but the
most important thing is to live in the will of God. It is in the will of God that you find peace
and contentment. One of my favorite
verses from the Bible is Jeremiah 29:11
and is says “I know the
plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm
you, plans to give you hope and a future.” You can start now asking God
to direct your life according to His will.
The world values fame and money and success. You may have those things and still not feel
fulfilled because you are not doing what God wants you to do. Your grandfather knew that he wanted to be a
veterinarian from the age of five. I
doubt that he asked God about that, yet I truly believe that it was the
profession that God wanted him to follow.
I can clearly see that he is gifted with the abilities he needed. At age 76 he still finds fulfillment in his
work. He was never disappointed that his
children didn’t follow in his footsteps, believing that God would direct their
paths also. God most definitely has a
purpose for your life too.
Not everyone
is meant to marry, yet the desire of my heart is that you find that special
person that wants to share her life with you.
You might do a lot of dating or very little, but I would always hope you
would respect the young women in your life.
This world would tell you that sex before marriage is the norm but that
doesn’t mean that you have to do what everyone else seems to be doing. Respect yourself and God’s standard for
marriage. Be very careful and very
certain when you choose the person you will marry, asking God to make it
clear. Marry with the intention of growing
old together, letting no one come into your life that would undermine your marriage
covenant. Realize that young love
changes as your trust in each other and your commitment to each other grows and
becomes more special. My maternal grandparents, my parents, my brother and his
wife, and Darrell and I have all celebrated 50th wedding
anniversaries. Darrell’s parents were
married 49 years and five months before his mother passed away. Couples that have been married a long time
often have had just as many problems than those whose marriages ended in
divorce. God doesn’t expect you to stay in
a truly abusive relationship but He wants you to honor your marriage vows and
to work on a marriage that might be heading for trouble. What a joy it would be
if you were able to say that you are the 5th generation to celebrate
50 years of marriage. If you marry, may
God have it bless your life until one of you is taken home to be with Him.
As your grandmother
I would like to wish you all the happiness in the world, but I want something
even better than that for you. What I
truly want is that you walk with God – to believe Him, trust Him, and obey His
Word. By faith, it is important that you
believe that Jesus is His Son and that He is your Lord and Savior. Having done
this, you will find a comfort and joy that the rest of the world does not
understand. You will be able to cope
with everything that you face because you have God helping you. The best thing that God offers is eternal
life with Him when all evil will be gone. Before I read the Bible regularly I asked God
to give me a love for His Word and He did.
I still struggle with some of the things in the Bible, but, by faith, I
take it as truth and have never found better guidance for living my life. You will never be sorry if you come to be a
reader of Scripture. Never be
embarrassed to have a Bible in your home or in your hand. Establish the habit of praying privately and,
yes, even in public.
As I close
this letter I realize that I am asking you to say,”No” to so much of what the
world has to offer and I know that won’t always be easy. So I will pray that you have the courage it
takes and that God will protect you. In
addition to what I have already written I am asking you to please respect and
obey your parents. Screaming at them or
refusing to do what they ask you to do is unacceptable (even if they do a
little yelling themselves). They love you more that you will ever know. Don’t carry around resentment or bitterness
toward anyone, but especially toward any member of your family. Another favorite passage in the Bible is
Ephesians 4: 31, 32. It says ,”Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling
and slander, along with every form of malice.
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as
in Christ God forgave you”. Also,
please do your absolute best in school. It
will be no guarantee of success in your future career but I have to tell you your
grandfather would have never been a veterinarian had he not done his very best
in high school, college and veterinary school.
He would be the first to tell you that hard work pays off. Many opportunities will come your way. Some you will want to say “no” to because
they are difficult or boring or you feel unqualified for what is involved. Just
know that some of those opportunities may be orchestrated by God. Remember that your grandmother is praying
that God will direct your path. Weigh your choices carefully and remember that
God equips those who He calls to serve Him.
There will
be times in your life when you are going to mess up. When that happens do not try to put the blame
on someone else or make excuses.
Apologize, make it right if you can, and face any consequences. Ask God to forgive you and help you to not
make the same mistake again and He will. When you are grown, if people can say
…………………is an honest man, a man with integrity, a man who is generous and
compassionate, a man who walks with God, then you have done very well. Nevertheless, it is only what God thinks of
you that will really matter. Every word
of this letter is written with love and, I truly believe, inspired by God. I care about you and love you with all my
heart,
Grandma
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